2010-2011

Natuurlijk kan ik dit jaar niet afsluiten zonder er iets over gezegd te hebben op mijn eigen stukje internet. Ik ga niet het hele jaar hier vertellen, daar heb ik helemaal geen zin in, en dat heb ik al eens gedaan ( in mijn dagboek staat ongeveer wel het hele jaar beschreven)

Dit jaar heeft me veel nieuwe dingen gebracht.

Ik ben vorig jaar januari officieel scout geworden en daarmee ook welpenleiding. En dat is me wat hoor, daar moet je zeker niet te licht over denken. Ten eerste vind ik het geweldig leuk en is dat dus een enorme hobby geworden, maar ten tweede leer ik er ook zo verschrikkelijk veel van! Niet alleen hoe je met kids om gaat, maar ook hoe je programma maakt en dingen regelt. Superleuk! Ik ben zeker van plan dit jaar hier mee door te gaan!

Ik ben in dit jaar geslaagd voor mijn HAVO diploma ( met alleen maar 7en, 8en en een 9) en heb in de tussenliggende vakantie een studie gevonden war ik nu niet meer zonder wil( en kan). Dat is ook best iets! Ik wist helemaal niet wat ik wilde studeren toen ik mn examen eenmaal gehaald had. Heb een beetje gekeken bij communicatie, maar dat was me allemaal veel te algemeen en daar kon ik eigenlijk ook niets mee. Ik besloot iets te kiezen waar ik passie voor heb, waar ik me in interesseer! En dat was en is nog steeds natuur. En toen studeerde ik ineens Toegepaste Biologie in Almere. Dat is ook best heel wat! Door maar met 40 mensen op een school te zitten heb ik ook heel veel geleerd in hoe je met verschillende mensen om moet gaan, ookal zou je dat niet kiezen om te doen! Dan heb ik ook de grootste lol in leren van duizenden dingen. Ik heb tot nu toe al mn toetsen gehaald, dus daar mag ik blij om zijn. Voor volgend jaar wil ik graag mijn P halen, maar ook als dat niet lukt is het niet erg.

Ik ben dit jaar voor het eerst alleen op vakantie geweest, voor het eerst alleen gevlogen en voor het eerst in mijn eentje in Amerika geweest voor een maand. In de zomervakantie, direct na zomerkamp ben ik naar Amerika gevlogen, en heb me daar een maand zelf vermaakt. Dat was ook best wel een vet bijzondere ervaring, die echt wel bij dit jaar hoort! Het is nog steeds vaak in mijn gedachte, Amerika. Alles wat ik daar beleefd heb, het lijkt alsof het allemaal dit jaar gebeurde. Maar dat is heel niet zo, het is al 2 jaar geleden dat we weg gingen, en al een jaar dat ik terug ben. Toch kan ik niets anders dan ook dit in mijn samenvatting zetten... Het zit nog vaker in mijn hoofd dan je denkt hoor! IK praat nog steeds het liefst engels met mezelf, en vaak doe ik dingen, zie ik dingen of mensen die me heel erg aan Amerika doen denken. Het zal wel minder worden dit jaar, en dat is ook niet erg hoor.

Volgend jaar,.. nog maar 1 dag van me verwijdert. Wat zal het me brengen? Ik hoef het allemaal niet te weten, kom maar op!

Lydia

What's cooler than being cool?

Always thinking about Charlie, and all the laughters we had when he sang that song, how we all started dancing like crazy.
Good american nights..

The Call-

Dit lied heeft een ongelofelijk mooie betekenis, vooral als ik nadenk over hoe moeilijk het nu zelfs soms nog is om niet in Amerika te zijn. Dit lied laat zien dat het goed is om te zijn waar je bent, en dat je daar aan vast moet houden. Ik vind het niet makkelijk, want in Amerika voelde het ook zo ongelofelijk goed! En om te weten dat het goed is om terug te zijn, maar dat het wel pijn doet, dat is lastig.


It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry

I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never
Been this way before

All you can do is try to know
Who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

pic's!

En jawel. Er zijn foto's.
ik vertrek officieel pas morgen, maar ik heb geen tijd als ik terug kom, dus laat ik nu vast wat foto's zien.


Mijn mama had een oude hoed en die heb ik ( met hulp van Nickolas) wat gepimpt en er voor gezorgt dat ik het ook kan dragen. EN! ik heb een tuinbroek gekregen van mijn geweldige zus Jayanthi. Oei oei. LEUK

NU, Old school time foto sessie in de auto met Jessica is iets wat me pas ECHT gelukkig maakt. Dit herinnert me aan al die goede dagen, en aan de geweldige vriendin die ze is. WOW!

Deze lucht, Hoe is het mogelijk.! America.... WOW


En dan met Jessie in de auto,. Ze is mijn grote, lieve geweldige zus die Zo ontzettend geweldig is! Ze is zo slim en lief en goed voor me. ik mis haar nu al.

En hier een foto van de reis naar hier. mooi he, ons land.. O wacht, het is Amerika. Echt. mooi he, dat land.

nu, morgen vlieg ik weg. ik kom ook weer aan, gelukkig.

De volgende dag ben ik weer weg, naar Flevo, Hoera.

Nou, tot horens!

still living

Het is 11.18 en het regent buiten.
bummer, want ik had het plan om naar Crystal te fietsen om te kijken of daar winkels zijn die Allstars hebben voor niet 45 dollar zoals bij de famous footwear. Ik had dit plan gister gemaakt en was er helemaal excited voor. Maar nu het regent vind ik het ook wel prima om uit te slapen tot half 11, in mijn pyama wat cereal naar binnen te werken endan eens rustig te kijken hoe het met Facebook gaat. EN ach, dan heb ik ook best tijd voor een stukje blog.

Ik heb de afgelopen weken VET VEEL gedaan, wat ik absoluut aan iedereen wil vertellen, maar waar ik niet zo veel zin in heb , is om dat allemaal op te schrijven.
Ik heb mijn dagboek uit mijn tas gepakt, en ik ga gewoon eens bladeren en kijken wat voor quotes ik kan delen met de wereld waar jullie ook iets aan hebben.

July 26th.
Toen,.. Je zult het niet geloven heb ik naar huis gereden! ik heb echt auto gereden met echte stopseinen en rechitngaanwijzer en stoplichten en bochten. het was awesome en zo spannend.

Donderdag 29 july,
ik moest om 10 uur at the fallout zijn. Ik ben van brooklyn center naar Parkview Blvd gelopen ( 4 miles) ( omdat ik in bloorlyn center was en jessica moest werken en de fiets die ik nodig had was at the kyles die wonen aan parkview blvd dus.).Dat was verder dan ik dacht, 1,5 uur lopen ongeveer! ik vond het heerlijk. Ik realisseerde me ineens dat ik moederziel alleen in Amerika ben. van alles kan gebeuren, het is Amerika! Het voelde ook heerlijk en ultiem vrij en goed. Ja, het was best slopen. .. .. Ik nam Pauls bike. Ik wist nog precies waar ik heen moest en het fietsen was werkelijk heerlijk. ik was er in notime.

2 augustus, zondag,
oke, er is een update required i guess. Substance was totally awesome and it just felt really really great to be there. O felt slightly different and i could hear and observe the words with a little bit more nederlandse nuchterheid en that made it verygood. Worship was awesome. Paster Peter haas' talk was too. He talked about generosity, not only moneywise, but lso being generous in time and emotional and spiritual. I really felt I could do a lot more about that and I felt my heart grow when I prayed to God. It was a good time close to the lord. THat morning I biked to Jessica's caribou. We figured out some scedule things and I read the bible and had some devotional time and wrote lyrics and made some puzzles. it was a really nice time, all together.

After this day I realized somethings:
- Get muscles. I really want nice arms when you can see the muscle. Go find a place to do that.
- Brush my teeht at least 2 times a day. I've been lacking that. And i like brushing my teeth!
- In stead of buying a nose piercing, I should spend money on a good devotional book that will help me to become closer with God. I realizedthis on sunday.

5 Augustus, donderdag.
Na het paardrijden Sam ontmoet in St Paul en nadat we in Mac wat gegeten hadden zijn we Jimmy op gaan zoeken om met hem uit te hangen in de Rosedale Mall. Dat was UBER leuk. Ik de gitaar winkel hebben Jimmy en ik amen gezongen en dat was heerlijk. Met sam en jimmy is het gewoon ongeloofelijk leuk, ze zijn als broer en tweelingbroer ( Jimmy is mijn tweelingbroer, voor de gene die dat nog niet wisten). IN applebee's gechild ( soort van restaurant, maar dan anders) , gegeten en bingo gedaan. Wat een heerlijke avond was dat, ik voelde me te koning te rijd met die twee!
Toen ik deze avond in bed lag dacht ik aan hoe ik deze week doorbracht --> in allerlei verschillende huizen bij vet veel verschillende mensen. Heel ingewikkeld, om alles te regelen waar en wie en wat enzo. Al helemaal als ik geen car or phone heb. mar ik heb het geflikt.

6 augustus, vrijdag.
Vandaag heb ik een heel eind gefietst. de weg naar Tim en Dana was net wat verder dan de Fallout. En natuurlijk was GoogleMaps me niet hulpzaam. Richard was dat wel. Hij hield me de weg zoeken en we hebben een tijdje gekletst. Een vriendelijke, oudere man. Nog even met Tim en Dana gekletst en dat was gezellig.
De weg terug ging veel sneller en ik heb zelfs Mount Zenith beklommen ( dat is een weg ( zenith Ave) die heel steil omhoog helemaal aan het eind van de trip. normaal neem ik een route er omheen, omdat ik meestal geen puf meer heb).! ik voelde me goed. Ik besefde me hoe heerlijk het is om in de natuur te zijn en bij mn eentje. ik word dan zo blij van binnen dat, dat is iets wat ik niet kan omschrijven. ik voelde me alsof de Heer als het waren met me mee fietst. EN dat ik beter dan met wie dan ook. Ook echt.


Er zijn natuurlijk nog miljoen ander dingen opgeschreven, maar daar kom je maar naar vragen hoor.
ik kom zaterdag ochtend weer thuis, en tot die tijd ga ik nog ultiem genieten van deze vakantie die beter is dan welke vakantie dan ook ooit .
Lydia

Je bent wat je eet, of je bent een Amerikaan

Nu ik voor de tweede keer in Amerika ben, en niet bij een Iers gezin woon, maar heen en weer rijd tussen verschillende huizen, vallen me ineens veel meer dingen op waarvan ik me eigenlijk niet beseft had dat het echt zo erg was.

IK bedoel het eten. IK denk dat ik in de afgelopen dagen maar 1 keer groente heb gegeten, en dat was deze avond. Ik heb nog geen een keer in de hele tijd dat ik hier al ben aan een tafel gezeten thuis bij mensen met de hele familie met zelfgemaakt eten met groente. Geen een keer. Wow. Ik ben wel al naar Applebees, Chili's, Hardee's, Culvers, Johny Rocket en weet ik veel wat allemaal nog meer geweets. Allemaal door en door slecht eten. Het resultaat is verschrikkelijk. In een week ben ik 5 pounds aangekomen, dat is 2 kilo. Dat is niet goed! Ik eet slecht en ik doe geen reet want die auto is niet weg te branden uit het netvlies van de gemiddelde Amerikaan. Logisch, want als het er toch is, waarom niet gebruik van maken!?

Amerikaanse huishoudens houden nu eenmaal van gemakkelijk en goedkoop. Gezond, goed voedsel is nu eenmaal duurder en dat kost tijd en dat willen veel mensen niet. Gelukkig zijn er nog mensen die dat wel doen, gelukkig dat ik daar dan even kan zijn om mijn maag weer op te vullen met vitamines.

Morgen ben ik van plan om van Brooklyn Park naar Minneapolis te lopen. Gewoon omdat ik geen vervoer heb, er geen fietsen zijn en ik eigenlijk ook wel eens weer wil bewegen en mezelf moe wilt maken. Iedere Amerikaan verklaart me voor gek natuurlijk, maar He, als dit is wat ik wil, dan mag dat toch zeker> Voldoende water en eten en ik kom er wel. Ik vind het een leuk avontuur, fo sho!

Genoeg nu over gezond en eten en ongezond en kilo's en bewegen.

Maar ik realiseer me wel steeds meer waarom Nederland zo'n ideaal land is om in te leven, besef het maar al te goed.

Lydia

Hoe de Amerikanen het doen

Ik wist niet meer hoeveel rare dingen er zijn in Amerika. Of hoeveel rare mensen er leven. Of hoeveel rare regels er zijn.

Ik wist wel dat je in Amerika ook rechts in kon halen, maar als dat dan weer gebeurt houd ik toch even mijn adem in. Of als Jessica smst tijdens het rijden en dan over de weg zwabbert. Dan herinner ik me weer hoe blij ik ben dat in Nederland mensen pas mogen rijden als ze 18 zijn.

O, ik heb zoveel slecht eten gegeten de afgelopen dagen! Ongelofelijk! Ik was bij een summercamp van de kerk van een vriend en daar hadden we diner en we aten gewoon friet met hamburger en brownie! Dat is gestoord hoor. Ik heb de afgelopen week niet echt groente gezien, behalve dan bij Tim en Dana, zij zijn heel gezond. Ik heb ook nog niet gefietst, of lang gelopen. Alles gaat zo sloom en traag en zn gangetje. Ik moest weer even inkomen, maar nu kan ik er wel van genieten. Als je gewoon mee doet, dan gaat het goed.

Voorbeeldje.

Ik werd vannochtend wakker om 10 uur. Ik bleef nog even hangen in bed, maar toen ben ik er maar uit gegaan. Filmpje kijken en om 11 uur wordt de rest ( Jessica, Cameron ( jessica's vriend)) wakker. Mooi denk ik, ontbijt! ( ik houd van ontbijt). Maar nee, eerst koffie en daarna gewoon wat hangen en praten. Ik vraag of we nog gaan eten, en yes, sure, doen we. NOT. Het plan was om ergens eten te halen ( kant en klaar dus) maar daarvoor moesten we eerst onze kleren aan doen. Dus, ik jurk aan, klaar. Jessica zit rustig te FaceBooken en ik ben al klaar. Dan bedenkt ze zich dat ze wilt douchen. Waarschijnlijk zal het nog wel even duren. Ik snap niet hoe amerikanen optijd kunnen zijn. Eigenlijk, ik denk niet dat ze op tijd komen, ever. haha, de amerikanen... :)

Dus, ik pas me aan en hang wat en doe gewoon mee. Ik vind het lekker, maar ik hoop dat ik vandaag nog wel beweeg en misschien zelfs ren of dans. Je weet maar nooit.

Liefs!

Honderd duizen muggenbeten. Een voor elke lach.

Hello People of the good life!

Hier ben ik dan, in de andere helft van mijn hart, Minneapolis.
De rit hiernaar toe was niet zo gemakkelijk. Ik voelde me al niet lekker toen ik op stond, en in de trein was het zo slecht dat ik maar beter kon overgeven. Gelukkig werkte dat. Ik dacht dat het daarna wel zou ophouden, maar blijkbaar was mijn maag nog niet helemaal leeg en besloot toen op het vliegveld nog maar eens alles naar boven te werken ( natuurlijk wel in de wc, want dat is wel zo netjes). Jakkes bah. Toen ik papa gedag zei na de douane dacht ik echt dat ik me beter voelde en wachtte ik met een gerust hart tot ik aan boord kon. Ik praatte met een man uit Boston die ik Belgie medicijnen gestudeert had en nu van zijn zoon uit Nederland naar zijn dochter in Florida ging. Ik zat naast een man en vrouw uit nederland die op weg waren naar Canada,ze waren heel aardig. Ik voelde me weer niet goed, en een half uur voor we landde kon ik ( nog NET op tijd) in het wc het laatste in mijn maag zien verdwijnen door het toilet. Achteraf kan ik erom lachen, wie kotst er nu in een vliegtuig?
Het was heel leuk om een uur in Ijsland te zijn. Er zijn daar geen bomen. en wel flinke kliffen bij de zee. De vlucht naar Minneapolis ging goed. Ik zat naast een Fransman en naast het raam. Ik heb Groenland gezien! Er waren helemaaal geen wolken en ik kon dus alles zien! De ijsblokken die in het water dreven, de bergtoppen, de enorme gletsjes-glijbanen, de scheuren in het ijs en de uitgestrekte ijsvlaktes. Ongelofelijk mooi en ik heb er vet van genoten! In Amerika aangekomen ging alles als een waas. Eeuwen wachten voor je " gechecked" werd door een kale amerikaan die dan vroeg waar je verbeelf en wat je bij je had ( perpermunt en snoepjes en stroopwafel Nee meneer, geen drugs of tabak) en hoe lang je bleef. Toen heb ik achter mn bagage gerend en toen met een bonzend hart de terminal uitgerend, op zoek naar dat mooie Jessicahoofd. Zij vond mij eerder en ineens verdween ik in haar omhelzing. GEWELDIG! Na al die tijd, ongelofelijk. Zodra we in de auto zaten leek alles weer als toen. Natuurlijk, we zijn allebei gegroeid en verandert, maar onze vriendschap was nog zo hecht dat het als toen was.

Ook met alle andere mensen die ik weer gezien heb ( Tim en Dana en hun zoon Shiloh die ik nog nooit gezien had, Tanner met zn lange haar, Jessie met haar lange haar, en Kurt, Greg, Ryan, Leah, Mimi, Eric, Malecai, eliza, vengi en zizi, bethany, keith, larry ( die heb ik daar leren hebben) en Nalan niet te vergeten) was het als toen. Geweldig, en zo vertrouwd. Dit weekend was ik bij Eric en Mimi, die met hun 4 kids nu ergens in Ottertail/Henning wonen, 3 uur van de stad. Ze wonen in een cabin bij een meer met een hangmat een enorm grasveld en een dock. Heerlijk om daar alle anderen weer te ontmoeten, en er achter te komen hoeveel ik ze wel niet gemist heb.

Ik ben hier nog maar zo even, maar toch al zoveel gezien en gedaan.
Het voelt zo heerlijk.
Zo vertrouwd, zo normaal.
Maar tegelijkertijd ook zo speciaal, want het is zo goed ze weer te zien.

Ik heb net met Jessica onze creatieve uitspattingen een momentje gegund en ik denk dat we daaar morgen mee doorgaan. Ik maak een van-alles-en-nogwat schilderij-kunstwerk met daarop 3 woorden:
JOY IS STRENGHT.

en dan op de achterkant.
THE LORD IS GOOD.

Lydia

Laatste berichtje

Ik kan het niet laten om toch nog een keer te schrijven.

Het is rustig hier. Mijn koffer is ingepakt. Het lijstje is afgestreept en ( bijna) alles zit er in. Ik heb telefoonnummers genoteerd van mensen die ik wel wil zien ( en dus bellen) en ik heb nog wat mailtjes de deur uit gedaan om dingen te regelen.

Ondertussen is het een chaos in mijn hoofd. Ik bedenk me dat ik misschien voor school nog wel wat dingen inleveren moet, en dat ik dat het beste nu kan doen ,want om het in Amerika te doen zonder pappie erbij lijkt me niet zo handig ( Ja, ik gebruik mijn papa voor officiele dingen regelaar. Heel handig, efficient en leuk).



Misschien moet ik dat soort dingen eerst doen voordat ik mijn berichtje verder typ. Maar ik kan niet stoppen. Het gaat maar door. Ik wil eigenlijk nu al slapen, want dan is het sneller morgen ( vroeger vertelde mijn moeder dat altijd en ik geloof er nog steeds in) en dan kan ik sneller weg en ben ik sneller in Amerika.

Er zijn zoveel dingen waar ik naar uit zie!

Ten eerste Jessica. Zij, mijn lieve, geweldige supergoede vriendin die ik al een jaar niet meer gezien heb, maar waar ik wel het hele jaar continu brieven mee geschreven heb. Om haar weer te omarmen, dat wordt geweldig. Om gewoon weer met haar te kunnen praten, haar lag te horen en om weer te dansen in de auto of in bed. Om snachts nog wat te kanen en dan stiekem toch nog even naar buiten om frisse lucht te halen. Om overal heen te gaan waar de auto ons brengt en om nieuwe mensen te ontmoeten. Ik heb er Zo verschrikkelijk veel zin in. De afgelopen week ben ik bij de gedachte aan dit alles al in tranen geschoten, en ik denk dat als ik me eenmaal in dat vliegtuig begeef, dat het dan ook wel nat zal worden op mijn wangen. Ik heb nog nooit iemand zo erg gemist.


En niet alleen Jessica, maar ook VELE anderen zal ik zien. Ik kan me nauwelijks voorstellen hoe het zal zijn, hoe heerlijk, en hoe hard het weer zal worden om weg te gaan. Daar ga ik overigens nu nog niet aan denken, dat mag niet.

Er zijn al aardig wat leuke plannen, en ik ga jullie ( natuurlijk) proberen op de hoogte te houden van het alles. Lees het maar als je het leuk vind

Dit is de foto van mijn visum, grappig he. Het leek me wel leuk om een foto van Amerika te laten zien, maar die staan allemaal op de laptop. Dan deze maar.
Leuk he, hoe alles is verandert...

Lydia

Weer/Again

Dus.

Ik ga weer weg.

Naar Amerika.

Maar het voelt niet als weg gaan.

Het voelt als thuiskomen.

Na al die tijd ja.

Nog steeds.

En weer dat rare gevoel van binnen.

Zo anders als vorige keer,

Maar toch ook zo herkenbaar.

Een spanning,

Een blijdschap,

Een angst en een verlangen.

Weer weet ik het niet.

Welk gevoel overheerst.

Het ene moment de blijdschap,

Het ander moment de angst.

So.

I'm leaving again.

To America.

But it doesn't feel like leaving.

It feels like coming home.

After all that time yes.

Still.

And again that weird feeling inside.

So different from the last time,

but also so identifiable.

A tension,

A cheerfulness,

A fear and a desire.

But once more, I don't know.

What feeling dominates me.

One moment it is cheerfulness,

the other moment it's fear.

Wat nu?

Now what?

Blijven ademen. En wegvliegen naar huis.

Keep breathing. And fly away home.

Lydia

Reflections on Minnesota

I feel obligated to type some out here, because I know I have been failing a bit. It's not that I am so superbusy with school and such. No, I have no worries about that.

It's more that there are so many other things to do!

For example, I am home alone. Yesterday, today, tomorrow. Pretty sweet, but it takes some time.. I clean up a bit, and do the dishes, and water the plants.. Then I wanted to do the loan, but I didn't.

Yesterday I was reading in my journal, some of almost a year ago. The time when I realized that going back to Holland maybe isn't that easy as it sounds. I realized then that I am changed in America, and that it would be hard to hold onto the new things about myself. I was scared, because I wanted people to see I am changed from the inside, but I didn't want that friendships would change because of that. I wanted people to be the same, yet in the same time be also different. I guess that is just how it goes, because after 10 months everyone has to be changed somehow in something. I think I got a lot of those little changes, because I was in such a different surrounding. I had so many people around me who I never knew. This culture ( yes, America Has culture) was new and the good things I wanted to keep and take back to Holland. But I also wanted the good things of Holland. I think it was easier to be somewhat more Dutch in America than to be a little American in Holland. People are different here. And in America, people are different,too. But I have to stay the same person? Do I needed to change myself in order to be friends with the Americans, but returning to Holland I can still be my Dutch self? No, I don't think it works like that at all. Things that happen, and people, and experiences.. they make you who you are and what you do. ( Ok, true, God makes me who I am and what I do, but these things also do that, not because you want to all the time, but just because that is how the world works) They add in your personality many different things and you take them with you in your journey. I kept some things from America in me, and some of Holland. I can not be only American, or Only Dutch. It is just who I became. I don't think it's a bad thing. It's just hard sometimes, because I could feel I belong nowhere. Luckily, I know that is not true, but my hearts is torn in two. That will not change, I think. Being in Holland makes me miss America ( every day, people!) but being in America makes me want to go back to HOlland. Why do these things need to be so difficult??

You know whatreally got me through( and still does)? Knowing that God is everywhere, and no matter where I am, HE is the same, and HE is allways with me, and HE never changes. Why would it matter then where my true home is? As long as GOD is with me ( which He is) I am home.

Lydia

SOG 2

WOrdless Wednesday - Worthless Wednesday
Woordeloze woensdag - waardeloze woensdag

Across the Country of Germany

It was early Friday morning and the light of the sun was still on the other side of the world. Normally I am asleep then ( There is an exception though) and there is no sound in the house. But this friday, was not going to be a friday like others. So, why not change it first thing in the morning by waking up early! And that's what we all did. One earlier than the other, but before 7 am we sat around the table, ready for breakfeast. I preferto wake up alone, and eat my breakfeast in silent, but that was not going to happen. Luckily, I was to tired to really freak out, and so I kind of sat there in my own world, waiting to wake up.
As soon as I sat in the car, I closed my eyes again and slept for an hour of 2. I allways like that, sleeping in the car. It's the only oppertunity for me to sleep in my brothers arms ( which I love by the way, but don't tell him or he won't let me do it again).
We were going to Germany! In about half an hour, we were in Germany. To tell you, it does not feel any better. There is not a big difference between Holland and Germany. I guess the font of the sign next to the roads is different, there is no speed limit on the high ways, and, of course, everything is written in German. Other than that, it's like every other place. I somewhere expected to be cool again, because I had not been in Germany for a while. I thought It might be really fancy, because all my friends in America are SO jealous about the fact that I can be in Germany in 30 minutes.. To tell you the thruth, I find the fact that I drove or 30 hours in ONE COUNTRY more significant than being in Germany in half an hour. Oke, I am getting off with my story. Back to the point : being in the car was somewhat Boring, even though it was in Germany. Simon and Josse are pretty funny though, because they like to play Arnold Swachenegger and other weird types. That makes my mum laugh, and that makes me smile.
So, We went to Altastenberg, or Winterberg. The weather was not great, but hey, who cares! There was snow, there were no people ( and family the Leur likes things 1000 times better when there are not people everywhere) and failing was just not an option.
So, ski's on, and GO. I've cross-country skiied before, and Dad too, but as for Simon this was a WHOLE new experience.
Simon liked the falling the best. We liked it too. He would cross one Ski over the other, which caused him to get stuck in a really uncomfortable posistion with his legs all crooked and awkward, what made him scream and move even more funny, and than he would fall and laugh out loud in the cold snow. We laughed too, and waited till he was up again.

There was this one REAL steep hill. It was crazy when I think about it now we even went down! I said i had done it before, we went cross country skiing a couple times with school, and I thought I had done this before. So, I went first. When I increased speed the tears came rolling of my eyes, I was going pretty fast. When I was halfway, my knees were bend ( I was trying not fall, and with bended knees i was more stable) and my hands were waving in the air, and my mind was getting crazy. "I'VE NEVER BEEN SO FAST BEFORE. THIS IS DANGEROUS. DON'T DO THIS. WAIT, I AM DOING THIS. HOW AM I EVER GOING TO STOP. MAYBE I SHOULD JUST FALL. NO, I AM GOING WAY TO FAST FOR THAT. WAIT, IS THAT ICE I HAVE TO CROSS? I CERNTAINLY CAN'T FALL THERE, I WILL BREAK EVERY BONE IN MY BODY. I GUESS YOU JUST HAVE TO KEEP GOING. " It was dangerous. I went way to fast. There was this blurry sight ( my tears, remember) and i jsut really hoped i would make it to the end.
AND... I did! I did! Didn't break anything, didn't even fell. It was amazing, but i did realized this was not going to be good if my ( old) dad was going down ( without his new glasses, so he pobably coulnd;'t have seen a thing) this thing! So when I saw Josse coming down with that fear in his eyes, and that high scream, I was hoping he wouldn't break anything. He did not. Papa, mama and Simon went walking down. We all came back alive (I might have been overacting this a bit, but hey, it sound good. but there was a steep hill and it was dangerous.)

It was a long trip, and to tell you, not that easy, but it was beautiful. The trees had a deep green that made the forrest a bit mysterious. Allmost a bit Like Narnia ( I do tend to call every forrest with nice snow and quitness a "narnia forrest", but this one really was). It was a bit foggy, and wet, and I can allways smell the trees, which I love. There were places where big, square patches of untouched snow where you could look to the other side, with more hills with snow and trees. It wind was strong, but soft. It was not a painfull, cold wind. It was a soft wind, just pleasant and sweet.

After that we went to Winterberg, a cute German place, where I bought some postcards for my favorite American's and we went in to drink some coffee and eat some ApfelStrudel mit sahne. That was sweet ,and warm, and just all good. We walked around a bit more, to see the nice houses, which do look pretty German to me.

And than the way back. I was tired ( it seems Like I am allways tired when I am in the car) and so I slept for a while. My back and neck were really painful, so sleeping didn't went that well. We have the great ability to make up 'car-games' in a second. And so this trip, we made a new game. It's easy. The basic thing is : "Who first sees a ...... is the winner." No idea what you win, but you win. We've looked for many things. a dead dog, a car with a broken backlight, shoes, a woman with blond hair and glasses, a bald guy, a cross country skiier, a caravan, a tractor, a river, a soccerball, somthing pink, a police car, a car, and on and on and on. I've won MANY. So I am a winner. Loved that game :)

Stopping at McDonalds ( i knwo that's bad, but it reminded me of America SO much. Because somtimes we would go to some place, and on the way back, we went to Mcdonalds and could pick something of 2 Dollars, and that was jsut enough for lunch. And so we did the same today) We could buy something for 2 euro's. I picked the baked potatoes with sour cream. It was sweet ,and when we were home we made fries and watched the movie the Bucket list. WONDERFUL Film.
I remembered today I had made a bucketlist of things I wanted to do when I was in America.. Weird to see how i did not do anything of the list.
Want to know the list?
Maybe next time.

I have pictures
This was my friday, how was yours?
Lyd

Arg

I was just thinking about how some parts of my life are so must harder since I've been in America. I think the hardest part, is that I have to miss so many people, so many things. I've never really missed something before, someone.

But today, I miss a lot. Arg, I find it very hard to deal with that. The only thing I can do is write about it, really

.

Life was just different. And it hurts not to be there.

Lyd

Day 4 - The Friends

So I guess I mixed up some days..

SO, in total we were gone for 14 days.
2 days of traveling there....
2 days preparing
5 days in the woods,
3 days chilling and reflecting.
3 days traveling back,

I think that's it.
So, I am in day 4 now.
The falling out of bed part was this day, not the other day. Just as the looking for cardboard.
But that doesn't make any difference.

During our time at the paradise house, we talked a lot.
I talked with Sam, and Kyle. We talked about our expectations. About how the camping will be, how we felt about everything. I told Kyle i was a bit scared. I didn't know if I was ready for this, if I was good enough for this, stong enough. He also told his fears, and troulbles, and that was good. That Van we drove in all the time, has been such an important thing in the whole trip! It was a super old Van. It was a miracle it made it back to Minneapolis. IN that Van I've had so many conversations, laughters, dreams, memories. I can see the change in it. First day, unknown people, last day, dear friends. And all in that same car.

I can't describe how the friendships were. I mean, only that part of the trip would have been totally worth it. Have you ever been dumpeb in a car with 7 unknown people, traveling to an unknown adventure?? That is an ultimate survivalthing! I know I am pretty good in making contact, in getting to know people, but still. In the four first day of the trip, I felt so at home by them, I felt so accepted, that I didn't want any other people to be there but them. They all were perfectly in the planning. They all gave me something special I learned about. They all have so much I can see myself growing into, and changing to that. It is just amazing. Although they are so far away now, at this moment, I feel so connected with them, knowing they experienced the same as I did.

In the days of preparing, Peter talked a lot. He gave so much information! He talked about what we could expect, and what we wanted to do. The more I knew, the more fear I had. Maybe it was because I did not know anything of it, but I just thought it would not be anything I could do. That thought by itself amde me scared too, because I am not very insecure normally. It made me fragile. I think that was the biggest adventure. seeing how fragile I was those days, how easily I cried those days.

Sorry, this has not been my best post, but I just don't know what to tell more.
Lydia

Day 3: The bunkbed

Very early, at 2 in the night, I woke up. Not because I wanted to, but because my knees hurted a lot, and my arm too. AND, as ym big surprise, I was sitting on my knees On th e ground! First, I slept softly on the top bunkbed, the next moment I lay on the ground, with pain and fear. WHAT WAS HAPPENED. I've never felt of a bed before, but I guess I couldn't wait with that. It was a high bunkbed, but luckily I landed on my knees ( HOW WEIRD) and didn't break anything. Except for Jen's sleep, and all the other who heard the loud sound of me falling...
That was the first thing we talked about the next day.
"Did you guys hear that sound this night!"
"Yeah, that was me.."

We made fun, and we laughed, and I had pain, and we laughed some more.
The rest of the day we did preparing. Praying, talking, praying, talking.. We also went to the grocerystore to get A LOT of food for the coming days, and Sam, Kyle and I went for some cardboard ( I don;t know if you write it that way, karton bedoel ik) in the dumpsters. It was a funny time, and I got to get to know Sam and Kyle a lot better.. I remember Sam broke a hammer we borrowed from one of the shops, while he was trying to get a nail out ( spijker). He just returned the hammer ,and the guy didn't even notice! haha, that was funny. It was warm, the whole day.

Now it was light, we also saw the huge viarity of trees and buches around the house, I call paradise. From the patio you could look over a lake, that was dried out ( they told me why, but i forgot). They used to swim in the lake, but now it was just grass.. Tom said there were alligators in it, because it still was a bit wet. It was super beautiful.
Also, along the road were palmtrees.. Ever seen those? They are cool. just like in the movies and the books, but then real, and not that pretty. But they made me feel like I was in some tropical state ( which i was)

I can't remember any more from this day.
It must have been really good, and the pool was nice, and the hot tub, too.
I don't know how long i will hold on to write so much every day...
You know, 2 more weeks and i have a lot of tests..
maybe I have to take a break, but i will try to finish it anyways.

Lyd

Day 2: The paradise

The next morning I spend some time with the dogs who now looked a lot less frightning in the light. One of them especially. He looked so dirty. Last night we was barking the loudest, and now, he was eager to have some attention from me. I played with him, but he was tied up to his doghouse. It was sad. He like me. I wish i could have done something.
But we had to leave, to the IHOP! The International house of pancakes! ( there is also a International house of Prayer, but I prefer to have breakfeast in the other IHOP)
A huge place, not cozy at all. Jeremy told us that we had to pay attention to the lady who was about to help us. In Minnesota you say : "you guys want anything, you guys aere fine..." But in Tenessee, they say : "You all ( but then said as : Youal )fine? Youal want anything?" So I tried to listen, and REally, she said it in EVERY sentence! "youal want some coffee. it was hilarious!

There rest of the day : in the car.
It didn't took much now to talk with one another. We were friends quickly. We played poker with nuts, talked about all sorts of things. AND.. every four hours we stopped, we coudl take some of our clothes of. It really was a lot warmer. Remember we left Minneapolis at -15. In Tenessee it was like 0 degrees ( celcius) but after another 13 hours we arrived at the house we were staying a couple days. It was there 20 degrees celcius. January 2nd, 20 degrees! It was amazing
So, let me tell you something about the practical things. In the National Forrest of Ocala the Rainbowfamily gathers. Long time ago the native americans had something to do with it, and they had a profecy or something about it. That kind of disappeared. The rainbow family is a group of homeless hippy's getting away from city life. Why? I don't know. They smoke, drink, swim, talk, sleep, earn some money, and eat. THat's where we were going.
But before we went into the woods we had some preperation days.
Peter had met the sun of Tom and Anita ( I don't know anymore how he is called) at livingstone ( something like Flevo, only then million times bigger) and they kept contact. The live in Florida, OCala. So when we were going there, Peter had arranged we could sleep in their house for a while, preparing, and afterwards, showering. Tom and Anita lived in that houses vfor 25 years, and I will now tell you what i saw when, finaly, in the dark at 11 pm we arrived at our hostfamily.

First of all, it was dark. All the beauty of nature around the house we could not see yet. That surprised us the next morning.
A big house was in front of us. We walked under a sort of bridge what connected one part of the house to the other.
When we walked in, it was like in a movie. I thought i run in the wrong set.
In the middle of the yard was a immense pool, with next to it a hot tob. music was playing and filling our minds with pleasure and peace. A yardhouse was in the back, including a bathroom ( we heard later). The pool was surrounded by green, soft grass and beautiful plants. There were light all aruond the walls of this little paradise, and de sound of the guitar was overwhelming good. We turned around, and saw a huge patio. Tom and Anita saw us, and welcomed us as if we were the kings and queens of important country's. I loved them instantly. Tim, Dana and Jen already were there before us, and they realxed in the hot tob. We gathered around eachother, and thanked the Lord for bringing us save to this paradise of happiness. Tom and Anita told us that whenever we were hungry, we could ask. If we saw anything we wanted to eat, eat it.
The house was huge, and so was the tv screen. They were very rich. Tom told us he had been building in and around his house for the last 25 years. It first was a little old house, and now.. a paradise. Tom also said once : We have everything, but own nothing.. That was amazing to hear from a guy like that, who REALLY had everything.

Jen and I got to sleep in bunkbeds in one of the many rooms.
I was exhausted, but at peace. Tomorrow would be a day of praying, preparing, and sunshine.

Lydia

1th day : The car

It was early that morning. The night before I finally was ready with packing, and ( as I remember) at 10 pm I went upstairs again to spend the rest of the eyar 2008 in peace. There was a little fireworks, but we loved it anyways. At 12.30 am I went to bed, the next day we had to wake up early, because we were expected at the Fallout at 5.30 am! It was still dark, it was minus 20 degrees ( celcius, that is -4 Degrees Fahrenheit) amd I was SO tired!

We took all our stuff inside, and met the rest of the gang, all tired, but excited. After a short prayer we took our places in the big VAN. An old, blue, big Van. I can remember Josse and I got the places right behind the driver, cause there was the most space for our long legs. I was so tired, even before the sun got up, I was asleep. I had all my wintergear on, hte van was old, and cold wind came through every little spaces they could find. It was very cold, so I didn't sleep that well.

In the bus i made the following song ( written in my journal)
( sorry, it is Dutch)
we zaten met een zucht
in de koude lucht
we zitten al zo lang in dit schuitje
En niemand mag me zien, buiten is het -15
Leve de missiontrhihip

From 6.00 am till 11pm we drove. Every four hour we made a stop. Dream ( a dog from one of the homeless, Germ, we brought along. Germ himself already went to Ocala with the bus, but they don't allow dogs, so we took care of it, and now it travelled with us.) and I were good friends, and so every time we stopped I took her out, run a bit, played with her, gave her water.
Sitting in a car for 17 hours makes your mind go crazy and dumb at the same time.

I wrote in my journal ( in dutch, but I was (try to) translate it in English)
It's weird to drive for 8 hours already now, and only see a little bit of change in nature. The snow is gone here, but the ice stays. The colours are vale, gray, old. It makes me feel sad, dead. It looks so abandoned. Everything i see is a nver stopping highway, with next to it dead, old trees with old, dead houses with half roofs and grain storages, and endless Nothingness. every once in a while wee see another car, or a little creek.

I don't know how I made it that day, but at the end of the day, we were in Nashville, Tennesee. I can still remember very well how Beautiful Tenessee is. It looks like Sweden, with big lakes, and foggy clouds, and greeny hills, and cute little houses near the dock, with cute little botes moving with the same grace as the water. Nashville is a well known city. The city of music. Many famous artists recorded there, and many of them live there. In the middle of a neighbourhood in the hart of Nashville, we found the house we were looking for. In there lived friend from the people we were going to stay with in FLorida. We didn't know the people, they didn't know us. But we were welcome. They had these matresses all over the floor in the lving room, and even for Dream was a little doghouse in the garden.
I can still remember very well how it looked like. The house was small, and old, and the houses next to it looked the same. When we brought dream to her own place, dogs in every single yard started barking at us. It was a true horror scene. Except that the dogs didn't came jumping at us, and started eating us. THere were like 20 dogs, and all of them just woke up, and started to bark at Dream, and us. it was crazy. It was like i've never seen before, but I now know that is So American style. The dogs looked poor, and dirty, and not taken care of. It was sad. Here I was, as a little human, standing in a yard in a neighbourhood in Niashville, Tennesee, in America, on my way to the homeless hippy's in the woods. Crazy.
That night, I slept with 6 guys aorund me. I never felt saver. ha, that was funny. There was only one room to sleep in ( Ben and Teresa slept in a other room,they were married). I can remember Jeremy asked me if I was cool sleeping with the guys in one room. I didn't care. I got the biggest matrass ( a two person's one) for myself, and that night i slept really well.

I will tell you a bit about the people that I cann us.
Josse ( you all know him, my big brother)
Sam. 21 ( i think) years old, living on a horsefarm in Wisconsin ( about 45 minutes away from the city's) Very open, social, funny guy. We became friends very easy. very good guitarplayer.
Kyle. 20 ( I think) years old, living in the city's. Very friendly, honest. It took a bit longer to really become friends, but I'm glad I did.
Tanner. 22 Years old ( I think). Lives in the house of the Fallout, and is there the art&design guy. He has A LOT of creativity, and music playing skills. easy going, friendly, smart. I arldeay knew him a little, but during the trip I got to know him a lot better.
Jeremy. 35 years old, also part of the Fallout crew. Father of three amazing boys. Very funny, open, friendly. We became friends easily. He was ( and is) a father of uncle to me.
Peter. 40 years old. I already told you a bit about him. THe guy with the crazy idea's, superlong dreads, passioned with faith, a father of four. He is amazing.
Ben & Teresa. There are not from the fallout, but they go to the Rainbowgathering every year. I didn't really got to know them, but I loved being around them. They are honest, pure, and friendly.
Jen, 26. Staff of the Fallout. Super creative, happy, funny, enthousiastic, honest. She lived in South Africa for 1,5 years, so she could talk some dutch ( kind of different) We sung songs like Dit is de dag, and slept together in a tent. She is my big sister.
Tim and Dana. Both staff of Fallout. Amazing little friends. Caring and loving, tender and kind. honest and funny.
Later on, we met Tyler. 22 years old, living in Chicago. amazing guitarplayer, funnny, good singing, honest.

All of them are amazing friends, beloved children of God, people I have in my heart.
This was day one.

-2 days.

As I told in my last post, the next two weeks will be a time of reflecting on one of the biggest adventures i've experienced. A Youth Mission Trip to the National Forrest of Ocala, to be with the Rainbow Family.

You know what is funny, I was not planning on going at all.
Peter Wholer, Leader of the Source, was right from the beginning someone I really liked. He has something that makes me feel at home. We met him in early Oktober, and from that day it was like he was my uncle or so. He asked Josse and I to come with him to this missiontrip, to Florida. It would be good for us, he said. It would be new, different, exciting, good. Peter did not really tell details, it was just this vage idea he had, and wanted us to be involved in that, too. Josse was enthousiastic, and when we told our parents, they totaly loved the idea. THey thought too it would be a great experience.

Around this time, I was only being busy with Holland. I was allways thinking about it, about my friends, and about a way to get there again. I was saving money, babysitting as much as I could, and even friends on the other side of the ocean made plans in putting money together to get me back to Holland for a while. So when Peter told us the trip would cost 225 Dollar, I was not thinking about how to get the money, I was just thinking that if I would join the mission trip, I could not go to Holland anymore. So I said No. I had no idea what this missiontrip was, I didn't know what kind of people went with us.. I've never been on a missionstrip, and it sounded like this was not a easy one, just crafting with poor kids or building houses for homeless ones. Peter said something about Hippy's in the woods, homeless, drunk, we being a kitchen, and loving on them, and preaching our faith. THat didn't sound like anything I could do.
So i said no. No way, Holland is way to important, i'm not going to give my money away like that. Still, my parents kept talking to me about it. That it would be a unique chanche for me, nothing like this, AND they asked me this question: Is Holland really that important. We go back next year. Do you really want to give up such a experience to go back for what, to weeks?

It made me think. Henk, someone from our fellowship who was there at the time i had to make the decision, talked with me about it. He said something about a glass of water and wine. Let's say, I didn't feel good, I missed Holland like crazy, I did not liked America! Henk said, that that was the glass of water. I wanted it to become wine. I wanted my time in America to become sweet, and good, and refreshing. I wanted the water to become wine. But, Henk said, before you can recieve wine, you need to get rid of the water. By the water, he meant Holland. I knew what he wanted to say. If I wanted this year to be a good one, a year of growing with God, to preduce wine, I needed to let the past go. I needed to let the loning for comming back go. I wanted wine.

I decided to go to the missionstrip, and leave Holland behind.
I see now that THIS was the first step of letting go My thoughts and ideas, and making this year not into just a year abroad to have new experience, but that this would be a year of GOD and me, growing up together.

After I told them i wanted to join, there were a couple of meetings. First, to meet the rest of the crew. I didn't know any of them ( I knew Peter, Jeremy, Tim& Dana and Jen, but not longer than a month..) And they looked so much older. With my 17 years, I was the youngest one, and Josse, with 19 the next. Sam, Kyle, Ben& Teresa ( married) Jen, Tanner, Jeremy, Peter, Tim& Dana( married) Josse and me.
I had no idea what to expect.
I had no idea what to pack.

This day a year ago, two days before the big adventure..

Last year

o boy, i'm tired!
I biked through all Ede, deliviering heavy mail.. Ugh, it cost me a lot of energy, and I don't even earn to much.. o boy..

LUCKILY, The year is almost over.
That's not the special thing. I mean, it's just one day different, one hour, one minute, one second.. It's not that huge.. We could celebrate the day always like this, but then we would have no sleep, and that would be horrible ( for me, but also for you).

I just think back. I can remember really well what I did these days last year. I was packing my bags, making lists, praying, preparing. Last year, the first of Januari this year, ( 2009) I went on one of the greatest adventures I've had so far.
I want to tell everything about it, and So I am planning on doing this sort of diary/journal thing on my blog.. Everyday I'll write like it was a year ago. I can remember so well, it will almost be like I am really there.

So, welcome to the journey from Minneapolis, MN to Ocala,FL and EVERY in between.
Chapter one will start soon.

Loving,