2010-2011

Natuurlijk kan ik dit jaar niet afsluiten zonder er iets over gezegd te hebben op mijn eigen stukje internet. Ik ga niet het hele jaar hier vertellen, daar heb ik helemaal geen zin in, en dat heb ik al eens gedaan ( in mijn dagboek staat ongeveer wel het hele jaar beschreven)

Dit jaar heeft me veel nieuwe dingen gebracht.

Ik ben vorig jaar januari officieel scout geworden en daarmee ook welpenleiding. En dat is me wat hoor, daar moet je zeker niet te licht over denken. Ten eerste vind ik het geweldig leuk en is dat dus een enorme hobby geworden, maar ten tweede leer ik er ook zo verschrikkelijk veel van! Niet alleen hoe je met kids om gaat, maar ook hoe je programma maakt en dingen regelt. Superleuk! Ik ben zeker van plan dit jaar hier mee door te gaan!

Ik ben in dit jaar geslaagd voor mijn HAVO diploma ( met alleen maar 7en, 8en en een 9) en heb in de tussenliggende vakantie een studie gevonden war ik nu niet meer zonder wil( en kan). Dat is ook best iets! Ik wist helemaal niet wat ik wilde studeren toen ik mn examen eenmaal gehaald had. Heb een beetje gekeken bij communicatie, maar dat was me allemaal veel te algemeen en daar kon ik eigenlijk ook niets mee. Ik besloot iets te kiezen waar ik passie voor heb, waar ik me in interesseer! En dat was en is nog steeds natuur. En toen studeerde ik ineens Toegepaste Biologie in Almere. Dat is ook best heel wat! Door maar met 40 mensen op een school te zitten heb ik ook heel veel geleerd in hoe je met verschillende mensen om moet gaan, ookal zou je dat niet kiezen om te doen! Dan heb ik ook de grootste lol in leren van duizenden dingen. Ik heb tot nu toe al mn toetsen gehaald, dus daar mag ik blij om zijn. Voor volgend jaar wil ik graag mijn P halen, maar ook als dat niet lukt is het niet erg.

Ik ben dit jaar voor het eerst alleen op vakantie geweest, voor het eerst alleen gevlogen en voor het eerst in mijn eentje in Amerika geweest voor een maand. In de zomervakantie, direct na zomerkamp ben ik naar Amerika gevlogen, en heb me daar een maand zelf vermaakt. Dat was ook best wel een vet bijzondere ervaring, die echt wel bij dit jaar hoort! Het is nog steeds vaak in mijn gedachte, Amerika. Alles wat ik daar beleefd heb, het lijkt alsof het allemaal dit jaar gebeurde. Maar dat is heel niet zo, het is al 2 jaar geleden dat we weg gingen, en al een jaar dat ik terug ben. Toch kan ik niets anders dan ook dit in mijn samenvatting zetten... Het zit nog vaker in mijn hoofd dan je denkt hoor! IK praat nog steeds het liefst engels met mezelf, en vaak doe ik dingen, zie ik dingen of mensen die me heel erg aan Amerika doen denken. Het zal wel minder worden dit jaar, en dat is ook niet erg hoor.

Volgend jaar,.. nog maar 1 dag van me verwijdert. Wat zal het me brengen? Ik hoef het allemaal niet te weten, kom maar op!

Lydia

What's cooler than being cool?

Always thinking about Charlie, and all the laughters we had when he sang that song, how we all started dancing like crazy.
Good american nights..

The Call-

Dit lied heeft een ongelofelijk mooie betekenis, vooral als ik nadenk over hoe moeilijk het nu zelfs soms nog is om niet in Amerika te zijn. Dit lied laat zien dat het goed is om te zijn waar je bent, en dat je daar aan vast moet houden. Ik vind het niet makkelijk, want in Amerika voelde het ook zo ongelofelijk goed! En om te weten dat het goed is om terug te zijn, maar dat het wel pijn doet, dat is lastig.


It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry

I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never
Been this way before

All you can do is try to know
Who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

Our biggest blessing

You know what I like best about our brain?

The ability to remember. There are many reasons why I like this best about our brain. I think you can figure out some reasons yourself.

What I would like, is you to write down a memory you remembered ( ok, you can't tell any memory you can't remember, because that isn't a memory anymore, but oke). It can be something good, horrible, some time you were alone, with many, together with me. It can be a memory of something you did for the first time, or last. The best memory, or the worst. The sweetest or most sour. Anything you want to share. Because sharing has this magical thing, too. Because you share something, I will remember it. Your memory you write down will become my memory. That is awesome, because in that way we have a connection so very sweet and personal.

So.

Let's do this.

I'll start.

I remember that I learned to eat Pineapple. I worked at the vegtable-store in my neighborhood and Michael the King ( that's really his name) was my boss. He is the most amazing boss I've ever had. He was(and still is) very nice to me, and we got friends pretty easy. I like fruit, and vegtables, but not so much... escpecially fruit. Michael knew that. I told him. He once said to me, when I was cutting the Pineapple for in the fruitsalade : Lydia, you have to try pineapple. I said : no, I don't like pineapple. He said : JUST TRY., you'll love my pineapples. So i tried. Of course, at that moment I couldn't admit it, but later on! I couldn't stop eating it. The fruit salade was with a lot less pineapple. Michael the King thaught me to eat Pineapple, and I am SOOOO happy he did!

What's your memory?

( I will only post a new blog when I have 10 comments. So....)

Lydia

Reflections on Minnesota

I feel obligated to type some out here, because I know I have been failing a bit. It's not that I am so superbusy with school and such. No, I have no worries about that.

It's more that there are so many other things to do!

For example, I am home alone. Yesterday, today, tomorrow. Pretty sweet, but it takes some time.. I clean up a bit, and do the dishes, and water the plants.. Then I wanted to do the loan, but I didn't.

Yesterday I was reading in my journal, some of almost a year ago. The time when I realized that going back to Holland maybe isn't that easy as it sounds. I realized then that I am changed in America, and that it would be hard to hold onto the new things about myself. I was scared, because I wanted people to see I am changed from the inside, but I didn't want that friendships would change because of that. I wanted people to be the same, yet in the same time be also different. I guess that is just how it goes, because after 10 months everyone has to be changed somehow in something. I think I got a lot of those little changes, because I was in such a different surrounding. I had so many people around me who I never knew. This culture ( yes, America Has culture) was new and the good things I wanted to keep and take back to Holland. But I also wanted the good things of Holland. I think it was easier to be somewhat more Dutch in America than to be a little American in Holland. People are different here. And in America, people are different,too. But I have to stay the same person? Do I needed to change myself in order to be friends with the Americans, but returning to Holland I can still be my Dutch self? No, I don't think it works like that at all. Things that happen, and people, and experiences.. they make you who you are and what you do. ( Ok, true, God makes me who I am and what I do, but these things also do that, not because you want to all the time, but just because that is how the world works) They add in your personality many different things and you take them with you in your journey. I kept some things from America in me, and some of Holland. I can not be only American, or Only Dutch. It is just who I became. I don't think it's a bad thing. It's just hard sometimes, because I could feel I belong nowhere. Luckily, I know that is not true, but my hearts is torn in two. That will not change, I think. Being in Holland makes me miss America ( every day, people!) but being in America makes me want to go back to HOlland. Why do these things need to be so difficult??

You know whatreally got me through( and still does)? Knowing that God is everywhere, and no matter where I am, HE is the same, and HE is allways with me, and HE never changes. Why would it matter then where my true home is? As long as GOD is with me ( which He is) I am home.

Lydia

SIEM

What can I tell about him? He is this kind of guy that is just in my life, whether I notice it or not. He's not allways been in my life, but I have been in his. I was there when he was just a few days old, and I was just a few years old.

When we were younger, we had this strange, but precious thing. When Simon wasn't born yet, I played with Josse, but now Simon was there, I had a whole new item! And I loved to play with Simon. He laughed more than he could talk. His hair was allmost white, his eyes big and blue, his smile made my heart jump everytime. When Simon was still a little young fella, he bited me sometimes. We would have a small fight, and Simon would bite me in the arm, or just anywhere he could. I would not bite back, I would hush him, and tell him I loved him still. Except for that one time he scratched me in my head, and I had a scar like Scar from the Lion King. My mum got pretty angry I think.

This are just small things I remember.

I also remember this boy of 5 years old, walking on a mountain of a hight that young boys liek that are even not suppose to be. He was strong! He was SO young, but still he was not tired, and just walked on top of it. That was sweet. When we played game in the little shack, he didn;t know the game, but he would randomly use the "Joker"Cart and make us all laugh.

The thing is, Simon still makes us laugh. Not with his "Ben je nog sterruk" joke (Are you still strong simon was a joke he did all the time, We would ask him, and he would pretend like he was showing of his arm muscles.. very cute) but with his humor. Let me tell you one thing about SImon: He has humor!

And today it is his birthday. 15 years, what do I have to do with that? I am his bigger sister, but he is getting big himself too!

That picture by the way, is pretty old! He'll not like it to see it. But I love it. See that smile? He still has that.

I love my Simon, and I always will. He is my little big brother HALLOO!

And today, he is more big that little..

Lydia

Across the Country of Germany

It was early Friday morning and the light of the sun was still on the other side of the world. Normally I am asleep then ( There is an exception though) and there is no sound in the house. But this friday, was not going to be a friday like others. So, why not change it first thing in the morning by waking up early! And that's what we all did. One earlier than the other, but before 7 am we sat around the table, ready for breakfeast. I preferto wake up alone, and eat my breakfeast in silent, but that was not going to happen. Luckily, I was to tired to really freak out, and so I kind of sat there in my own world, waiting to wake up.
As soon as I sat in the car, I closed my eyes again and slept for an hour of 2. I allways like that, sleeping in the car. It's the only oppertunity for me to sleep in my brothers arms ( which I love by the way, but don't tell him or he won't let me do it again).
We were going to Germany! In about half an hour, we were in Germany. To tell you, it does not feel any better. There is not a big difference between Holland and Germany. I guess the font of the sign next to the roads is different, there is no speed limit on the high ways, and, of course, everything is written in German. Other than that, it's like every other place. I somewhere expected to be cool again, because I had not been in Germany for a while. I thought It might be really fancy, because all my friends in America are SO jealous about the fact that I can be in Germany in 30 minutes.. To tell you the thruth, I find the fact that I drove or 30 hours in ONE COUNTRY more significant than being in Germany in half an hour. Oke, I am getting off with my story. Back to the point : being in the car was somewhat Boring, even though it was in Germany. Simon and Josse are pretty funny though, because they like to play Arnold Swachenegger and other weird types. That makes my mum laugh, and that makes me smile.
So, We went to Altastenberg, or Winterberg. The weather was not great, but hey, who cares! There was snow, there were no people ( and family the Leur likes things 1000 times better when there are not people everywhere) and failing was just not an option.
So, ski's on, and GO. I've cross-country skiied before, and Dad too, but as for Simon this was a WHOLE new experience.
Simon liked the falling the best. We liked it too. He would cross one Ski over the other, which caused him to get stuck in a really uncomfortable posistion with his legs all crooked and awkward, what made him scream and move even more funny, and than he would fall and laugh out loud in the cold snow. We laughed too, and waited till he was up again.

There was this one REAL steep hill. It was crazy when I think about it now we even went down! I said i had done it before, we went cross country skiing a couple times with school, and I thought I had done this before. So, I went first. When I increased speed the tears came rolling of my eyes, I was going pretty fast. When I was halfway, my knees were bend ( I was trying not fall, and with bended knees i was more stable) and my hands were waving in the air, and my mind was getting crazy. "I'VE NEVER BEEN SO FAST BEFORE. THIS IS DANGEROUS. DON'T DO THIS. WAIT, I AM DOING THIS. HOW AM I EVER GOING TO STOP. MAYBE I SHOULD JUST FALL. NO, I AM GOING WAY TO FAST FOR THAT. WAIT, IS THAT ICE I HAVE TO CROSS? I CERNTAINLY CAN'T FALL THERE, I WILL BREAK EVERY BONE IN MY BODY. I GUESS YOU JUST HAVE TO KEEP GOING. " It was dangerous. I went way to fast. There was this blurry sight ( my tears, remember) and i jsut really hoped i would make it to the end.
AND... I did! I did! Didn't break anything, didn't even fell. It was amazing, but i did realized this was not going to be good if my ( old) dad was going down ( without his new glasses, so he pobably coulnd;'t have seen a thing) this thing! So when I saw Josse coming down with that fear in his eyes, and that high scream, I was hoping he wouldn't break anything. He did not. Papa, mama and Simon went walking down. We all came back alive (I might have been overacting this a bit, but hey, it sound good. but there was a steep hill and it was dangerous.)

It was a long trip, and to tell you, not that easy, but it was beautiful. The trees had a deep green that made the forrest a bit mysterious. Allmost a bit Like Narnia ( I do tend to call every forrest with nice snow and quitness a "narnia forrest", but this one really was). It was a bit foggy, and wet, and I can allways smell the trees, which I love. There were places where big, square patches of untouched snow where you could look to the other side, with more hills with snow and trees. It wind was strong, but soft. It was not a painfull, cold wind. It was a soft wind, just pleasant and sweet.

After that we went to Winterberg, a cute German place, where I bought some postcards for my favorite American's and we went in to drink some coffee and eat some ApfelStrudel mit sahne. That was sweet ,and warm, and just all good. We walked around a bit more, to see the nice houses, which do look pretty German to me.

And than the way back. I was tired ( it seems Like I am allways tired when I am in the car) and so I slept for a while. My back and neck were really painful, so sleeping didn't went that well. We have the great ability to make up 'car-games' in a second. And so this trip, we made a new game. It's easy. The basic thing is : "Who first sees a ...... is the winner." No idea what you win, but you win. We've looked for many things. a dead dog, a car with a broken backlight, shoes, a woman with blond hair and glasses, a bald guy, a cross country skiier, a caravan, a tractor, a river, a soccerball, somthing pink, a police car, a car, and on and on and on. I've won MANY. So I am a winner. Loved that game :)

Stopping at McDonalds ( i knwo that's bad, but it reminded me of America SO much. Because somtimes we would go to some place, and on the way back, we went to Mcdonalds and could pick something of 2 Dollars, and that was jsut enough for lunch. And so we did the same today) We could buy something for 2 euro's. I picked the baked potatoes with sour cream. It was sweet ,and when we were home we made fries and watched the movie the Bucket list. WONDERFUL Film.
I remembered today I had made a bucketlist of things I wanted to do when I was in America.. Weird to see how i did not do anything of the list.
Want to know the list?
Maybe next time.

I have pictures
This was my friday, how was yours?
Lyd

Last ONE

So what, I just stole the picture from Mirjam's Blog..
This is One. This is our monday-meeting. This is my lovely group of ONEfriends, real friends.
It actually was always chaos.. and always nice.
I'm looking sad at the picture. One, because I didn't bring any bread with me ( luckily, Jorie saves one of his for me, with Bebogeen (that is NOT translatable))
Two, because this was my last One-meeting-with-the-leaders ( vergadering dus)
After ALL those years.
When I was just starting life, when I was 15, I started with ONE. I did this, three years, Then I went a year to America, then I came back, and also came back at ONE.
But now, it's time to say a final goodbye.
I find it hard to let go. Not that I'm not allowed anymore to go to ONE, but being a part of the leaders, made it so much better. Just talking about things, asking ourselves what God would like, what other people might need to see more God in their life. It's sad not to be part of that anymore.

One brought me SO many things. It made me a better person. It shaped me, it changed me. Maybe someday I will give a whole reflection on it. Now, I just want to say, I love One, and I love what God does through One, and how he blessed it.

I love One.
I love THE one. I mean God.
Lyd

Day 4 - The Friends

So I guess I mixed up some days..

SO, in total we were gone for 14 days.
2 days of traveling there....
2 days preparing
5 days in the woods,
3 days chilling and reflecting.
3 days traveling back,

I think that's it.
So, I am in day 4 now.
The falling out of bed part was this day, not the other day. Just as the looking for cardboard.
But that doesn't make any difference.

During our time at the paradise house, we talked a lot.
I talked with Sam, and Kyle. We talked about our expectations. About how the camping will be, how we felt about everything. I told Kyle i was a bit scared. I didn't know if I was ready for this, if I was good enough for this, stong enough. He also told his fears, and troulbles, and that was good. That Van we drove in all the time, has been such an important thing in the whole trip! It was a super old Van. It was a miracle it made it back to Minneapolis. IN that Van I've had so many conversations, laughters, dreams, memories. I can see the change in it. First day, unknown people, last day, dear friends. And all in that same car.

I can't describe how the friendships were. I mean, only that part of the trip would have been totally worth it. Have you ever been dumpeb in a car with 7 unknown people, traveling to an unknown adventure?? That is an ultimate survivalthing! I know I am pretty good in making contact, in getting to know people, but still. In the four first day of the trip, I felt so at home by them, I felt so accepted, that I didn't want any other people to be there but them. They all were perfectly in the planning. They all gave me something special I learned about. They all have so much I can see myself growing into, and changing to that. It is just amazing. Although they are so far away now, at this moment, I feel so connected with them, knowing they experienced the same as I did.

In the days of preparing, Peter talked a lot. He gave so much information! He talked about what we could expect, and what we wanted to do. The more I knew, the more fear I had. Maybe it was because I did not know anything of it, but I just thought it would not be anything I could do. That thought by itself amde me scared too, because I am not very insecure normally. It made me fragile. I think that was the biggest adventure. seeing how fragile I was those days, how easily I cried those days.

Sorry, this has not been my best post, but I just don't know what to tell more.
Lydia

Day 3: The bunkbed

Very early, at 2 in the night, I woke up. Not because I wanted to, but because my knees hurted a lot, and my arm too. AND, as ym big surprise, I was sitting on my knees On th e ground! First, I slept softly on the top bunkbed, the next moment I lay on the ground, with pain and fear. WHAT WAS HAPPENED. I've never felt of a bed before, but I guess I couldn't wait with that. It was a high bunkbed, but luckily I landed on my knees ( HOW WEIRD) and didn't break anything. Except for Jen's sleep, and all the other who heard the loud sound of me falling...
That was the first thing we talked about the next day.
"Did you guys hear that sound this night!"
"Yeah, that was me.."

We made fun, and we laughed, and I had pain, and we laughed some more.
The rest of the day we did preparing. Praying, talking, praying, talking.. We also went to the grocerystore to get A LOT of food for the coming days, and Sam, Kyle and I went for some cardboard ( I don;t know if you write it that way, karton bedoel ik) in the dumpsters. It was a funny time, and I got to get to know Sam and Kyle a lot better.. I remember Sam broke a hammer we borrowed from one of the shops, while he was trying to get a nail out ( spijker). He just returned the hammer ,and the guy didn't even notice! haha, that was funny. It was warm, the whole day.

Now it was light, we also saw the huge viarity of trees and buches around the house, I call paradise. From the patio you could look over a lake, that was dried out ( they told me why, but i forgot). They used to swim in the lake, but now it was just grass.. Tom said there were alligators in it, because it still was a bit wet. It was super beautiful.
Also, along the road were palmtrees.. Ever seen those? They are cool. just like in the movies and the books, but then real, and not that pretty. But they made me feel like I was in some tropical state ( which i was)

I can't remember any more from this day.
It must have been really good, and the pool was nice, and the hot tub, too.
I don't know how long i will hold on to write so much every day...
You know, 2 more weeks and i have a lot of tests..
maybe I have to take a break, but i will try to finish it anyways.

Lyd

Day 2: The paradise

The next morning I spend some time with the dogs who now looked a lot less frightning in the light. One of them especially. He looked so dirty. Last night we was barking the loudest, and now, he was eager to have some attention from me. I played with him, but he was tied up to his doghouse. It was sad. He like me. I wish i could have done something.
But we had to leave, to the IHOP! The International house of pancakes! ( there is also a International house of Prayer, but I prefer to have breakfeast in the other IHOP)
A huge place, not cozy at all. Jeremy told us that we had to pay attention to the lady who was about to help us. In Minnesota you say : "you guys want anything, you guys aere fine..." But in Tenessee, they say : "You all ( but then said as : Youal )fine? Youal want anything?" So I tried to listen, and REally, she said it in EVERY sentence! "youal want some coffee. it was hilarious!

There rest of the day : in the car.
It didn't took much now to talk with one another. We were friends quickly. We played poker with nuts, talked about all sorts of things. AND.. every four hours we stopped, we coudl take some of our clothes of. It really was a lot warmer. Remember we left Minneapolis at -15. In Tenessee it was like 0 degrees ( celcius) but after another 13 hours we arrived at the house we were staying a couple days. It was there 20 degrees celcius. January 2nd, 20 degrees! It was amazing
So, let me tell you something about the practical things. In the National Forrest of Ocala the Rainbowfamily gathers. Long time ago the native americans had something to do with it, and they had a profecy or something about it. That kind of disappeared. The rainbow family is a group of homeless hippy's getting away from city life. Why? I don't know. They smoke, drink, swim, talk, sleep, earn some money, and eat. THat's where we were going.
But before we went into the woods we had some preperation days.
Peter had met the sun of Tom and Anita ( I don't know anymore how he is called) at livingstone ( something like Flevo, only then million times bigger) and they kept contact. The live in Florida, OCala. So when we were going there, Peter had arranged we could sleep in their house for a while, preparing, and afterwards, showering. Tom and Anita lived in that houses vfor 25 years, and I will now tell you what i saw when, finaly, in the dark at 11 pm we arrived at our hostfamily.

First of all, it was dark. All the beauty of nature around the house we could not see yet. That surprised us the next morning.
A big house was in front of us. We walked under a sort of bridge what connected one part of the house to the other.
When we walked in, it was like in a movie. I thought i run in the wrong set.
In the middle of the yard was a immense pool, with next to it a hot tob. music was playing and filling our minds with pleasure and peace. A yardhouse was in the back, including a bathroom ( we heard later). The pool was surrounded by green, soft grass and beautiful plants. There were light all aruond the walls of this little paradise, and de sound of the guitar was overwhelming good. We turned around, and saw a huge patio. Tom and Anita saw us, and welcomed us as if we were the kings and queens of important country's. I loved them instantly. Tim, Dana and Jen already were there before us, and they realxed in the hot tob. We gathered around eachother, and thanked the Lord for bringing us save to this paradise of happiness. Tom and Anita told us that whenever we were hungry, we could ask. If we saw anything we wanted to eat, eat it.
The house was huge, and so was the tv screen. They were very rich. Tom told us he had been building in and around his house for the last 25 years. It first was a little old house, and now.. a paradise. Tom also said once : We have everything, but own nothing.. That was amazing to hear from a guy like that, who REALLY had everything.

Jen and I got to sleep in bunkbeds in one of the many rooms.
I was exhausted, but at peace. Tomorrow would be a day of praying, preparing, and sunshine.

Lydia

1th day : The car

It was early that morning. The night before I finally was ready with packing, and ( as I remember) at 10 pm I went upstairs again to spend the rest of the eyar 2008 in peace. There was a little fireworks, but we loved it anyways. At 12.30 am I went to bed, the next day we had to wake up early, because we were expected at the Fallout at 5.30 am! It was still dark, it was minus 20 degrees ( celcius, that is -4 Degrees Fahrenheit) amd I was SO tired!

We took all our stuff inside, and met the rest of the gang, all tired, but excited. After a short prayer we took our places in the big VAN. An old, blue, big Van. I can remember Josse and I got the places right behind the driver, cause there was the most space for our long legs. I was so tired, even before the sun got up, I was asleep. I had all my wintergear on, hte van was old, and cold wind came through every little spaces they could find. It was very cold, so I didn't sleep that well.

In the bus i made the following song ( written in my journal)
( sorry, it is Dutch)
we zaten met een zucht
in de koude lucht
we zitten al zo lang in dit schuitje
En niemand mag me zien, buiten is het -15
Leve de missiontrhihip

From 6.00 am till 11pm we drove. Every four hour we made a stop. Dream ( a dog from one of the homeless, Germ, we brought along. Germ himself already went to Ocala with the bus, but they don't allow dogs, so we took care of it, and now it travelled with us.) and I were good friends, and so every time we stopped I took her out, run a bit, played with her, gave her water.
Sitting in a car for 17 hours makes your mind go crazy and dumb at the same time.

I wrote in my journal ( in dutch, but I was (try to) translate it in English)
It's weird to drive for 8 hours already now, and only see a little bit of change in nature. The snow is gone here, but the ice stays. The colours are vale, gray, old. It makes me feel sad, dead. It looks so abandoned. Everything i see is a nver stopping highway, with next to it dead, old trees with old, dead houses with half roofs and grain storages, and endless Nothingness. every once in a while wee see another car, or a little creek.

I don't know how I made it that day, but at the end of the day, we were in Nashville, Tennesee. I can still remember very well how Beautiful Tenessee is. It looks like Sweden, with big lakes, and foggy clouds, and greeny hills, and cute little houses near the dock, with cute little botes moving with the same grace as the water. Nashville is a well known city. The city of music. Many famous artists recorded there, and many of them live there. In the middle of a neighbourhood in the hart of Nashville, we found the house we were looking for. In there lived friend from the people we were going to stay with in FLorida. We didn't know the people, they didn't know us. But we were welcome. They had these matresses all over the floor in the lving room, and even for Dream was a little doghouse in the garden.
I can still remember very well how it looked like. The house was small, and old, and the houses next to it looked the same. When we brought dream to her own place, dogs in every single yard started barking at us. It was a true horror scene. Except that the dogs didn't came jumping at us, and started eating us. THere were like 20 dogs, and all of them just woke up, and started to bark at Dream, and us. it was crazy. It was like i've never seen before, but I now know that is So American style. The dogs looked poor, and dirty, and not taken care of. It was sad. Here I was, as a little human, standing in a yard in a neighbourhood in Niashville, Tennesee, in America, on my way to the homeless hippy's in the woods. Crazy.
That night, I slept with 6 guys aorund me. I never felt saver. ha, that was funny. There was only one room to sleep in ( Ben and Teresa slept in a other room,they were married). I can remember Jeremy asked me if I was cool sleeping with the guys in one room. I didn't care. I got the biggest matrass ( a two person's one) for myself, and that night i slept really well.

I will tell you a bit about the people that I cann us.
Josse ( you all know him, my big brother)
Sam. 21 ( i think) years old, living on a horsefarm in Wisconsin ( about 45 minutes away from the city's) Very open, social, funny guy. We became friends very easy. very good guitarplayer.
Kyle. 20 ( I think) years old, living in the city's. Very friendly, honest. It took a bit longer to really become friends, but I'm glad I did.
Tanner. 22 Years old ( I think). Lives in the house of the Fallout, and is there the art&design guy. He has A LOT of creativity, and music playing skills. easy going, friendly, smart. I arldeay knew him a little, but during the trip I got to know him a lot better.
Jeremy. 35 years old, also part of the Fallout crew. Father of three amazing boys. Very funny, open, friendly. We became friends easily. He was ( and is) a father of uncle to me.
Peter. 40 years old. I already told you a bit about him. THe guy with the crazy idea's, superlong dreads, passioned with faith, a father of four. He is amazing.
Ben & Teresa. There are not from the fallout, but they go to the Rainbowgathering every year. I didn't really got to know them, but I loved being around them. They are honest, pure, and friendly.
Jen, 26. Staff of the Fallout. Super creative, happy, funny, enthousiastic, honest. She lived in South Africa for 1,5 years, so she could talk some dutch ( kind of different) We sung songs like Dit is de dag, and slept together in a tent. She is my big sister.
Tim and Dana. Both staff of Fallout. Amazing little friends. Caring and loving, tender and kind. honest and funny.
Later on, we met Tyler. 22 years old, living in Chicago. amazing guitarplayer, funnny, good singing, honest.

All of them are amazing friends, beloved children of God, people I have in my heart.
This was day one.

-2 days.

As I told in my last post, the next two weeks will be a time of reflecting on one of the biggest adventures i've experienced. A Youth Mission Trip to the National Forrest of Ocala, to be with the Rainbow Family.

You know what is funny, I was not planning on going at all.
Peter Wholer, Leader of the Source, was right from the beginning someone I really liked. He has something that makes me feel at home. We met him in early Oktober, and from that day it was like he was my uncle or so. He asked Josse and I to come with him to this missiontrip, to Florida. It would be good for us, he said. It would be new, different, exciting, good. Peter did not really tell details, it was just this vage idea he had, and wanted us to be involved in that, too. Josse was enthousiastic, and when we told our parents, they totaly loved the idea. THey thought too it would be a great experience.

Around this time, I was only being busy with Holland. I was allways thinking about it, about my friends, and about a way to get there again. I was saving money, babysitting as much as I could, and even friends on the other side of the ocean made plans in putting money together to get me back to Holland for a while. So when Peter told us the trip would cost 225 Dollar, I was not thinking about how to get the money, I was just thinking that if I would join the mission trip, I could not go to Holland anymore. So I said No. I had no idea what this missiontrip was, I didn't know what kind of people went with us.. I've never been on a missionstrip, and it sounded like this was not a easy one, just crafting with poor kids or building houses for homeless ones. Peter said something about Hippy's in the woods, homeless, drunk, we being a kitchen, and loving on them, and preaching our faith. THat didn't sound like anything I could do.
So i said no. No way, Holland is way to important, i'm not going to give my money away like that. Still, my parents kept talking to me about it. That it would be a unique chanche for me, nothing like this, AND they asked me this question: Is Holland really that important. We go back next year. Do you really want to give up such a experience to go back for what, to weeks?

It made me think. Henk, someone from our fellowship who was there at the time i had to make the decision, talked with me about it. He said something about a glass of water and wine. Let's say, I didn't feel good, I missed Holland like crazy, I did not liked America! Henk said, that that was the glass of water. I wanted it to become wine. I wanted my time in America to become sweet, and good, and refreshing. I wanted the water to become wine. But, Henk said, before you can recieve wine, you need to get rid of the water. By the water, he meant Holland. I knew what he wanted to say. If I wanted this year to be a good one, a year of growing with God, to preduce wine, I needed to let the past go. I needed to let the loning for comming back go. I wanted wine.

I decided to go to the missionstrip, and leave Holland behind.
I see now that THIS was the first step of letting go My thoughts and ideas, and making this year not into just a year abroad to have new experience, but that this would be a year of GOD and me, growing up together.

After I told them i wanted to join, there were a couple of meetings. First, to meet the rest of the crew. I didn't know any of them ( I knew Peter, Jeremy, Tim& Dana and Jen, but not longer than a month..) And they looked so much older. With my 17 years, I was the youngest one, and Josse, with 19 the next. Sam, Kyle, Ben& Teresa ( married) Jen, Tanner, Jeremy, Peter, Tim& Dana( married) Josse and me.
I had no idea what to expect.
I had no idea what to pack.

This day a year ago, two days before the big adventure..

Last year

o boy, i'm tired!
I biked through all Ede, deliviering heavy mail.. Ugh, it cost me a lot of energy, and I don't even earn to much.. o boy..

LUCKILY, The year is almost over.
That's not the special thing. I mean, it's just one day different, one hour, one minute, one second.. It's not that huge.. We could celebrate the day always like this, but then we would have no sleep, and that would be horrible ( for me, but also for you).

I just think back. I can remember really well what I did these days last year. I was packing my bags, making lists, praying, preparing. Last year, the first of Januari this year, ( 2009) I went on one of the greatest adventures I've had so far.
I want to tell everything about it, and So I am planning on doing this sort of diary/journal thing on my blog.. Everyday I'll write like it was a year ago. I can remember so well, it will almost be like I am really there.

So, welcome to the journey from Minneapolis, MN to Ocala,FL and EVERY in between.
Chapter one will start soon.

Loving,

Memory

I like memories.

Like this one

Make up your own story of what happened here, but I say it was a great day, whay do you say Lein?

Lyd

Too much

I have so much to tell!
I have no idea where to start writing.
One year ago, I left for the USA.. I could write every day again what I did this day last year..
But, wait. I still live, so I should talk about today, about now, about future. Not look back all the time, to a place where I was a year ago. I should look back and talk about it.

I have to tell about my week in Limburg. It was amazing!
I will put some pictures of it, and so.

For now, I should be busy with my Dutch Lesson, instead of writing my feelings down in a different language..

Sweet.

I've got no time to think i'm busy

I think my life is not normal.
I should believe my life is not normal.
But school feels normal.
Luckily, I try to avoid the feeling that school is the only thing important in my life. It is working out pretty well this far.
I think it's important not do think too much about school
So, to do that, in my spare time, I:
Stretch my ear a little bit more ( don't tell my mum)

Play Ligretto ( an amazing game!) with my mum in the afternoon

bought my own nailpolish and spend a LOT OF TIME to get them as perfect as it gets.

Do some smiling wiht Simon the Sweet, and just take pictures in common.

But to be honest. Most of my time goes to :

And everything what has to do anything with that.

I think it's comforting, sometimes sad ( cause I miss it) but at the whole amazing. It's like a movie I am watching of something amazing, realizing it's me who did that all.

I really believe one day, someone will know everything I did. I really do.

Lydia

Ocala

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zI0CjUuslCs

Good old times in January..

The Last wagon..

Some last moments in Minnesota, the state of sunshine ( in my heart, at least.. )
Fallout friends, hanging, laughing, talking and drinking..


here's the drinking part ( coconut smoothie)

Red wagon, Josse being ehm,, cool

two more nights.

I sorted out all my papers, all the things on the floor, and I took down all the pictures, paintings and other stuff from my wall. That actually felt really good. I see now how much I have to bring, what I am leaving here, and how much I have left.

A day ago I was superstressed. I was shaking a lot, and only thinking about things I had to do, and all the work that was left.

I can't remember this same time in Holland, that I was so stressed. It felt totally different. At that moment, I was not heavy in my heart, I did not thought about leaving all the time, and I did not think about the difference in life I was entering in. Almost a year ago, i wrote down on this same blog how I felt flying in the air, and how my stomach was not able to eat. Now, 10 months later, I don't exactly know what to say. I have thoughts in my mind, and feelings, but I can not discribe them. There are too many, and they confuse me.



I don't know why it feels so much worst to leave now then it did in October. Maybe because this is all so new, this is just this little year with experiences. Of course, I wish I could taste more of this fruit. But the old fruit, that I have not eaten for a long time is staying in my mind. I have a longing for it. But I'm afraid I will lose the taste of the new fruit, that i will forget it, and just go back to the old fruit, forgetting about Minneapolis. I can not.