Reflections on Minnesota

I feel obligated to type some out here, because I know I have been failing a bit. It's not that I am so superbusy with school and such. No, I have no worries about that.

It's more that there are so many other things to do!

For example, I am home alone. Yesterday, today, tomorrow. Pretty sweet, but it takes some time.. I clean up a bit, and do the dishes, and water the plants.. Then I wanted to do the loan, but I didn't.

Yesterday I was reading in my journal, some of almost a year ago. The time when I realized that going back to Holland maybe isn't that easy as it sounds. I realized then that I am changed in America, and that it would be hard to hold onto the new things about myself. I was scared, because I wanted people to see I am changed from the inside, but I didn't want that friendships would change because of that. I wanted people to be the same, yet in the same time be also different. I guess that is just how it goes, because after 10 months everyone has to be changed somehow in something. I think I got a lot of those little changes, because I was in such a different surrounding. I had so many people around me who I never knew. This culture ( yes, America Has culture) was new and the good things I wanted to keep and take back to Holland. But I also wanted the good things of Holland. I think it was easier to be somewhat more Dutch in America than to be a little American in Holland. People are different here. And in America, people are different,too. But I have to stay the same person? Do I needed to change myself in order to be friends with the Americans, but returning to Holland I can still be my Dutch self? No, I don't think it works like that at all. Things that happen, and people, and experiences.. they make you who you are and what you do. ( Ok, true, God makes me who I am and what I do, but these things also do that, not because you want to all the time, but just because that is how the world works) They add in your personality many different things and you take them with you in your journey. I kept some things from America in me, and some of Holland. I can not be only American, or Only Dutch. It is just who I became. I don't think it's a bad thing. It's just hard sometimes, because I could feel I belong nowhere. Luckily, I know that is not true, but my hearts is torn in two. That will not change, I think. Being in Holland makes me miss America ( every day, people!) but being in America makes me want to go back to HOlland. Why do these things need to be so difficult??

You know whatreally got me through( and still does)? Knowing that God is everywhere, and no matter where I am, HE is the same, and HE is allways with me, and HE never changes. Why would it matter then where my true home is? As long as GOD is with me ( which He is) I am home.

Lydia